You're Welcome Here
If you've spent weeks — or months — thinking about whether to reach out, that's completely normal. Many of the women I work with took a long time before they felt ready to make contact, and some browsed this website for months before doing so. There's no rush. You're welcome to take all the time you need.
When you are ready, I offer a free 60-minute Zoom chat. Just a conversation so you can ask whatever you need to ask and find out whether working together feels right for you. Most practitioners offer 15 or 20 minutes. I offer an hour, because this decision deserves space.
How I Came to This Work
I'm Paul. I used to run software development teams. I had a PhD, a career in technology, and no particular plan to end up doing this work.
But I've always been deeply interested in people. I got into coaching as a way to look after the people in my team: to have good conversations about their aspirations and difficulties, to help them be happy and successful. I learned coaching informally at first, then qualified properly, and eventually trained deeply in a discipline called Clean Language — a precise way of listening that uses someone's own words and metaphors rather than imposing your own. That's where I really learned to listen. Not just to hear what someone is saying, but to let their experience guide the work.
Alongside all of that, I was on a personal journey. I'd had a powerful spiritual experience, and at the same time I was questioning the relationship between love and sex in my own life. I felt they weren't properly aligned, and I wanted to take them apart, understand each, and put them back together. Both of those pointed me to Tantra, specifically a heart-centred practice that took love seriously, whilst being clear about the relationship to sex and the erotic.
From Tantra, I learned tantric massage. And it was practising tantric massage that changed everything.
The Experience That Changed Everything
I worked with a woman who had been sexually assaulted as a teenager. She'd done years of work to resolve that trauma, and had had plenty of bodywork. But when we worked together, something in the safety and love of that space meant her body began to release what was still held inside. Over several months we worked together. Sessions that combined touch with deep listening, guided entirely by what her body needed. It was her process, her body's wisdom. My role was to hold a safe, loving space and bring what was needed — sometimes structure, sometimes just gentleness and intuition — and to always let her needs guide the direction.
Over those months, I watched her transform. Pain she hadn't known was connected to her assault quietly disappeared. Her voice quite literally came back. She had reclaimed herself.
For me, as a man, I hadn't truly understood the deep impacts of sexual assault. Walking alongside her through that healing was the most meaningful work I'd ever done. I knew then that this was what I wanted to do. So I set about doing it properly. I trained and qualified as a Sexological Bodyworker, joined a professional association with a code of ethics, and began working with women professionally. That was about five years ago.
“The most touching element of the healing process for me: to be able to have the trust to simply surrender to another person's touch and know that the only intention they have is to help you heal, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Paul is incredibly sensitive, patient and loving.”
— Elizabeth
The Work Now
Since then, I've worked with over a hundred women, and every one has taught me something new. Some come carrying trauma. Others have been emotionally neglected, or have barely any experience of positive touch. Some have never had a romantic relationship. And some simply want to understand their own desire and pleasure more deeply. Every client is different.
And what connects all of it is that the work is always a journey towards someone being and expressing more of who they truly are. Having more of what they want: connection, love, intimacy, pleasure. Some of the women I've worked with over time become radiant with who they are. It just glows out of them. That's why I do this work.
How I Work
Two things are always true in my practice:
You are always in control
You set the pace. You decide what happens, what doesn't, and when. Your boundaries and wellbeing are always the highest priority. I can offer possibilities and bring structure when it's helpful, but the direction always comes from you.
I bring my full presence
Attentive, kind and loving. I'm here to listen, to witness, and to hold a loving space where you can be yourself without shame or judgement.
I draw on several approaches: Sexological Bodywork, the Wheel of Consent, Somatic Trauma Therapy, Tantra, and Clean Language. And I blend them based on what you need. We always start with a conversation about how you're feeling and what you'd like. Some sessions are mostly talking. Some involve gentle touch, and some go deeper. You choose, and we go at your pace. One client and I spent over 90 minutes designing an activity that lasted a couple of minutes — and that was exactly right for her. There's no rush here either.
Training & Credentials
- Certified Sexological Bodyworker — member of the Association of Certified Sexological Bodyworkers (ACSB)
- Member of the Association of Somatic and Integrative Sexologists (ASIS)
- Trained in Somatic Trauma Therapy (Babette Rothschild)
- Trained in the Wheel of Consent for professional practice and group facilitation
- Certified Clean Language Trainer and Assessor — one of a very small number of Clean Language Assessors worldwide
- Over 8 years studying and practising Tantra
- Training faculty, School of Somatic Sexology
- Creator of the Embodied Clean and Persona Modelling coaching frameworks
- PhD (Artificial Intelligence) — I don't use the title in this work to avoid any implication of medical credentials, but it reflects the academic rigour I bring to everything I do
- I work under professional supervision and also provide supervision to other practitioners
- Professional indemnity insurance
- 12 years coaching experience, 5+ years in somatic sex education and sexological bodywork, 100+ sexuality clients
Let's Talk
If any of this has resonated, I'd love to hear from you. I'm based in London, and I work with women in person and online.
The first step is a free, 60-minute Zoom conversation where you can ask anything you'd like. Just a chance to discover whether working together feels right.
Take your time, and reach out when you're ready. I'm looking forward to talking to you
— Paul
"I was incredibly nervous reaching out to Paul, but he made me feel safe and completely in control”
— Karen
Email: paul@awakenthewoman.co.uk
Phone / WhatsApp: +44 796 139 1468