Every woman’s body
deserves to feel alive
Every woman’s heart
deserves to open
Every woman’s soul
deserves to be seen
“Sometimes the damage done by men needs to be undone with a man”
— Elizabeth (a client)
“I work with women who want to reconnect to their body and sexuality after sexual or emotional trauma.
I hold a safe, loving space for you to rediscover your body, desires and sexuality, entirely at your own pace, using coaching, embodiment and bodywork practices.
We can work in-person in London UK, or online” — Paul
Are you healing from sexual or emotional trauma?
The NSPCC estimate 1 in 20 children have been sexually abused. The Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW) estimates that 16% of women have experienced some type of sexual assault since the age of 16, and 8.1% of woman have suffered partner abuse in the last year. Victims and survivors often experience these events as traumatic, with responses that can last for years.
Even after therapy, you might find you still have:
- Hypervigilance, triggers and fear responses
- A feeling of loss of control of your life
- Disconnection from your body
- Feelings of guilt, shame, anger or grief
- Difficult relationships
- Little enjoyment of intimacy and sex
You can reclaim your body, yourself and your life…
In a safe and loving environment, we can use powerful coaching, embodiment and bodywork practices to help you reclaim your body and reconnect to your power. Together, we’ll design the journey uniquely for your needs and that might include:
- Learning to love and trust your body
- Knowing what you really want, asking for it and receiving it
- Communicating and holding your boundaries
- Being seen and validated for who you really are
- Developing self-intimacy and a deep enjoyment of sex
- Being in relation to men
- Awakening your sensuality and divine femininity
What to expect in a session
Every session is a place of learning where you’re in control of what to explore. We go entirely at your pace – in fact, nothing needs to happen if you don’t want it to. And everything is welcome – any emotion, sensation, any request you’d like to make.
You choose the environment that keeps you safe and comfortable and you feel is right for you. We could be online-only, and with cameras off during any activities. Or we could be in-person just talking. And, if you decided you wanted to explore bodywork or intimate touch, that option is available. You only ever do what you are comfortable with at the level that’s right for you – the choice is always yours.
In a session, we’ll jointly choose or design an activity to support your learning and healing, and we’ll adapt it until we find something you enthusiastically want to do. One client and I spent over 90 minutes designing an activity that lasted a couple of minutes. For some people, the healing is in finding something their body can genuinely say “yes” to and, with a severe trauma, even that could take many sessions.
In early sessions, we’ll focus on consent. You’ll notice what your body wants and doesn’t want. You’ll improve your ability to ask for it, and your ability to say “yes” and “no” to requests authentically.
With that key skill in place, you’re free to explore where you’ll learn most. Activities could include noticing sensations in your body, learning about movement and breath, exploring fantasies, emotions or different aspects of yourself, self-touch and pleasure, giving and receiving touch from another, or exploring your experience by using symbols and metaphors.
Sometimes it’s the simplest activities that mean the most. One client hesitantly asked me if it was OK if I just held her. When I did, she burst into tears because she’d never felt she could ask for what she really wanted, and someone would give that to her. After that, we created more experiences where she felt her needs and desires mattered, she could ask for them, and she could have the caring attention and pleasure that she really wanted.
Through the activities, we find powerful inner resources you might not realise you have. We also often find resistance and difficult emotions like shame, anger, fear and grief – things we will listen to and honour; things that need to be held gently and helped to integrate back into yourself. Resources and resistance often affect many aspects of your life, meaning that a simple activity can generate profound, life-enhancing change.
You can find out more about my approach from my articles/blog
“I had severe trust issues with men due to previous trauma but the sessions I received from Paul were so loving and nurturing. He made me feel cherished, seen, attractive but, most importantly of all, safe.
This was the most touching element of the healing process for me: to be able to have the trust to simply surrender to another person’s touch and know that the only intention they have is to help you heal, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Paul is incredibly sensitive, patient and loving and I believe he has the ability to help bring change to many people’s lives for the better.
Following the sessions I felt exhausted, but in the days following so much lighter and now a number of months on I feel I have made huge progress and feel ready to embark on a new relationship after keeping myself closed down for so many years. I can never thank him enough for all his time and kindness.”
“Paul is an absolute must-see. He is so utterly trustworthy, brilliant and kind and I cannot recommend him enough.
I came to him feeling deadened inside and having lost myself. There was barely any sex in my relationship, or with myself, and my confidence was at an all-time low. I had lost my magnetism. I did not feel good about my body, especially my breasts, and I felt unattractive.
Paul helped me to connect safely and slowly with me and with my body. With his divine embodied clean coaching and his sex bod tools, he supported me to reclaim myself and my spirit. I got in touch with my frozen holding and trauma in my body and how I was afraid of opening up to my pleasure and to myself.
I now feel entirely different. I look in the mirror and admire and love my body. I love the shape of my breasts. I wear more sensual clothes. I reclaimed my bedroom as a boudoir. I started to woo myself and this helped my husband become more of a peacock and woo me too. My dreams of being creative, writing and painting, had also been buried, and, as I awakened, I am engaging in them too.
I had become so afraid that I was entirely blocked, and Paul guided me so gently that I could grow in incremental steps. It has been a miracle. If you are tempted, I could not recommend Paul enough: he is the real deal.”
“I have been working with Paul for over a year and in that time I have grown into the woman that I knew I could be, but never seemed to be able to access.
I struggled with feeling deserving of love, wanting love but pushing it away. I had recently come out of a long term relationship where intimacy had died a long time ago and I felt not connected to my own sexuality. I also didn’t have very good boundaries, having sex with men when I didn’t really want to, and not enjoying it but going along with it anyway.
Paul holds an amazing space of unconditional love and acceptance which I had never experienced before with a man. Doing exercises that enabled me to practice boundaries and consent, I started setting boundaries in my own life and saying no to things I didn’t want including saying no to sex. In that space, I was able to explore my own feminity, start to feel like a sexual woman again and accept that I did deserve love.”
“Working with Paul has and continues to be transformative for me. He has a special energy and holds such a beautiful safe space.
I started with an intense distrust and fear of men, along with deep childhood trauma and sexual trauma. I was scared and unsure what was going to play out. I’ve been blown away by the dynamic that emerged between us, which has and continues to facilitate much healing. I found it hard to let go of the journey looking a specific way, yet Paul has always deferred to my intuition, empowering me, championing me, allowing me my own process.
All of me is welcome in session. Even when my fears and conditioning rose to challenge him, he held them gently, with understanding, compassion and honoured me in my process. I now open to myself in a way I’ve never done before and this continues to expand.
In Paul’s holding, parts of myself that have been hidden, squashed, even unknown, my feminine, have risen shining through. For months so much was happening, yet I didn’t fully understand the bigger picture of what was occurring. I see and feel now that he has been holding me safely and showing my masculine how to hold myself. I feel like he has been leading me back to myself.
All this, along with beautiful reflections and empowering me, has allowed my feminine to rise and show herself at ever deepening levels. I’m learning to trust myself, hold myself and am creating a deepening safety in myself. I can feel myself expanding after decades of contraction. Working with Paul is a real gift.”
“I so appreciated the space to explore and experience myself from an internal perspective – this is something I have not been able to do on my own, and it has been very valuable. Paul held the space beautifully over our ten sessions: it was contained yet flexible.
I certainly felt the sense of the sessions being co-created; I occasionally felt some pressure about this which I noticed was from myself – Paul was patient, and clear that he had tools to offer and suggestions to make, but that these were just ideas. This was very helpful for me, as they became intriguing possibilities, without any expectation from him that there would be a particular course of action. This made for internal spaces that had a high degree of presence.
I have a tendency to be “thinky”, so these sessions were ideal for experiencing myself in en entirely different way. I really enjoyed the briefing and debriefing too, as well as very much appreciating how Paul brought the sessions to a place of practical exploration.
I felt actively listened to, which helped me be present with and trust the process; I also felt that my experience was valid and worthy / requiring of my self-respect. I noticed – especially in our final session – the extent to which I felt I could be direct in responding to Paul’s questions and suggestions for enquiry.
I didn’t know what to expect from these sessions, because I need to experience things in order to understand them; I am very grateful for the opportunity to discover more and to have worked with Paul in this way.”
“Paul is a true professional. Two factors, above other wonderful skills, means he is someone I would go back to again and recommend to others with no hesitation. One, is Paul’s ability to tailor the sessions to what is present in the moment and let it take its ramifications wherever it goes, discreetly facilitating the process so the path reveals itself to you. Second, is Paul’s incredible ability to safely hold the space: what sometimes feels difficult to hold, with Paul is possible.”
Who am I?
I’m Paul and I’ve been on a 20-year journey of self-development, constantly learning to be a better man. On that path, I’ve qualified in coaching and “talking” therapies, I journey into my spiritual self through Tantra and Yoga, and I teach others the tools that helped me.
Along the way, many powerful women have helped me – women who saw the best in me, women who challenged me to become a better man, women who shared their knowledge and gifts with me and women who trusted me with deep vulnerabilities. Thanks to them, I’m becoming the man I want to be.
On that journey, I met one incredible woman who was recovering from sexual assault. She allowed me to hold space for her and, in that space, I learnt both the terrible ongoing effects of assault and the incredible courage and determination of the women who overcome it. She inspired me to learn more, so I qualified in Sexological Bodywork, so I could work with consent, sexuality and the body in a trauma-informed way. She showed me that this is the most meaningful work I could be doing. And, as she put it, “sometimes the damage done by men needs to be undone with a man”