The following experience report was written by one of my clients, in her own words. I've made some light edits for clarity and readability and adding subheadings to help navigate her story. To protect her privacy, I've removed identifying details whilst preserving the authenticity of her experience.
I work with women in various circumstances - some are single, others are in relationships. Sometimes partners are aware of the work, sometimes clients prefer privacy. Whilst I also do couples work, where both partners are directly involved, in this case I was working with an individual client and offering suggestions she could explore with her partner if she chose to.
All clients who offer to write a testimonial choose what level of detail to share, and this client generously offered to share a lot in her story to help other women who might be facing similar challenges. I'm grateful for her openness in telling her story.
— Paul
The Beginning: Feeling Disconnected
My partner and I had been discussing me trying some sort of tantric massage or sexological bodywork because we had read it can help with feeling more confident in my body. I hadn't been feeling very intimate with him or very confident about myself.
I wasn't feeling happy with my body and felt very self-conscious as I had put on a little weight over the last few years due to needing multiple surgeries and not being able to be active as I once was. I felt like I didn't know who I was apart from the person with the bad legs, which had taken over my life due to constant pain and fearing they would dislocate every time I moved.
Although I love my partner more than anything, I just did not feel like being intimate with him, which gradually got worse over a few years. After being physically and emotionally abused as a child by my father, all the ongoing trauma was playing a part as well. I didn't feel safe apart from in my partner's arms, constantly looking over my shoulder.
Initial Fears and Reaching Out
I was afraid of being seen and touched intimately by another man, especially someone I hadn't met before. I was afraid I would feel and look silly when reaching out and thought I would have been told it's all in my head.
When I first messaged Paul through WhatsApp after weeks of building up the courage, I was scared and nervous. This was a very big step for me due to having trust issues with men.
Instantly Paul reassured me that it's ok to feel nervous and tried his best to put me at ease. He told me we don't have to do anything I'm not ready for, we can change the session if I feel uneasy about anything, and we can go as slow as I needed. Paul explained that nothing I say or do is wrong and the whole experience will be tailored to me and my needs. Paul really cares about his clients.
When I told Paul about what happened as a child (which took lots of tears, feeling silly and embarrassed), he was so supportive, telling me it's ok and thanking me for being honest.
Building Trust and Early Breakthroughs
When I spoke to Paul on the phone, he instantly put me at ease, asking me if I had any questions. Any questions I had he answered very thoroughly, helping me trust him a little more. When I told Paul about what happened as a child, he said he had a feeling something had happened in the past - this showed me how perceptive and experienced he is.
What can I say - it was the best decision of my life contacting Paul.
A few days after speaking to Paul, there was a huge breakthrough moment when I found out my abusive father had passed away. It felt like a weight had been lifted - like I can finally breathe. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I felt safe knowing he won't ever hurt me again. Paul's reassurance about my feelings helped enormously.
Practical Tools That Transformed Everything
Paul gave me many helpful ideas for things to try with my partner. The main breakthrough was when we were chatting about role play. I told Paul I would like to try being passionately pinned against the wall by my partner, but was worried it might trigger bad memories.
Paul suggested starting small: just being slowly and gently pinned for 3 seconds. If that goes well, maybe 5 seconds, then 10 seconds. If that goes well, add a bit more passion. If that goes well, add in a kiss, but still keep a timer. He said to have clear boundaries in place with my partner so I know I'm in control at all times and to chat after each step.
My partner and I were both nervous to start with, but wow, this was amazing. Although I was very nervous trying this, by the end I knew I would be ok. This was definitely the groundbreaking moment in our relationship, and it's only got better since.
Rediscovering Intimacy
A few days later my partner was sexually teasing me as we had both had an amazing few days rekindling our relationship. I was feeling aroused and told Paul. This is where our love life changed forever. Paul suggested we try slow, passionate lovemaking, where we really felt connected to each other. Paul knew I liked to be teased and suggested I tell my partner the more turned on I am, the slower he needs to go. My partner knew I needed this; he made me want him so much. It really hasn't felt that good before. We both loved it. When I told Paul it all went amazingly well, he said he has so much admiration for my partner taking so well to my needs and desires.
Personal Growth and Discoveries
During speaking with Paul, I have found out more about myself than I have my whole life. I have learnt ways to open up and express how I'm feeling, which in the past I've bottled up. I've learnt that I can feel alive and turned on instead of not letting these feelings show.
Although I am still working on my body image, I have realised that women come in all shapes and sizes and no way is right or wrong. Paul has given me the reassurance that I am beautiful and has made me feel like someone cares.
I have discovered that I prefer slow, passionate lovemaking and also enjoy being teased and extended foreplay. I have found out that it's ok and good to feel these feelings.
The Transformation
I feel much happier in myself and much more confident during life and making decisions, knowing I can do it and don't need to be afraid anymore. There are people who do listen and understand me.
The most challenging part for me was being able to trust a total stranger, especially a man, and being able to feel comfortable and safe. Paul instantly put me at ease, and the more we talked, the more I trusted him. He really knows how to make you feel safe and feel like you can open up.
Working with Paul really has changed my life for the better. I didn't know how much of a life-changing moment I would have. Paul made me feel safe and understood me in a way no one has before.
To Anyone Considering This Work
Before this journey started, I didn't know if I could trust any male, especially with something like this. Paul really does know how to settle any nerves and you feel like you can fully open up to him.
If you have any doubts, just have the courage to send Paul a message - trust me, it will change your life no matter how nervous you are. I can assure you it will be the best decision of your life. Paul will always be an important person in my life. I cannot thank him enough.
