This is an experience report that one of my clients kindly wrote about her journey with me. I've added headings to structure the writing and made light edits for clarity and privacy. Everything else is her own words.
She came to me wanting to build confidence in herself and her body. Our work together used a mix of body awareness and Wheel of Consent activities, including client-led touch, massage, and intimate touch. When this was written, we'd had five 3-hour long sessions roughly monthly.
— Paul
Content warning: This report discusses struggles with self-worth, body image, and the impact of feeling unloved in childhood.
Background
For most of my life I can remember struggling with self-confidence. The last time I can remember feeling like my bubbly self and confident was when I was around 7 or 8 years old.
This was around the time I started gaining weight due to stresses and many problems that I had going on in my personal life, feeling a lack of care and love from the people around me. This feeling grew with me and only worsened as time went on. With this I started to lose confidence and started to hate myself, which further resulted in lack of self-care and poor mental health.
I was at a challenging crossover for most of my life, where on one hand I was scared to be surrounded by people and make friends; and on the other hand, I was also craving that love and care from another person.
This of course was not a healthy place to be in, so I tried to fit in, which ended with me doing anything to so called fit in with the 'normal' and trusting people who only wanted to take advantage of me. Further pushing me back into a shell and cracking my confidence and self-worth even more. Leaving me feeling like I did not deserve and was not worthy of being loved or cared for.
It was a huge battle with my brain, but I was able to reach a point where I knew in myself that I needed help and that is when I reached out for help and started therapy. After trying a number of therapies, realising they are only helping me at the time, but not in the long run; I really wanted things to change.
This was when I started looking into other ways I could potentially help myself.
Finding Paul
It was during this time that I came across Paul's website. Looking through the different testimonies and the vast experience Paul had bagged my interest in exploring Paul's work further, but it still wasn't an easy step to take. I kept the website open on my browser for the best part of 8 months, before I actually was able to build the courage and confidence to reach out.
Finally, it was around mid-May of 2025 when I reached out and contacted Paul. I explained what my goals were and what I wanted to achieve from the work we were going to do together.
Initially, my main focus was on wanting to gain confidence in myself and my body and essentially learning to love myself as the person I am and then eventually being able to share my true self with other people and putting myself out there.
Additionally, I was also wanting to connect with my body and find the level of satisfaction that I was craving within myself.
Initial Interactions
From the very first moment I reached out to Paul, he was extremely kind and understanding. There was absolutely no doubt that he really knew what he was doing and as to how much experience he actually had.
Paul made me feel safe and comfortable throughout the conversation and I was able to without any hesitation, set my boundaries and share what I was most comfortable with doing.
I felt safe to discuss anything and ask questions that I thought may be embarrassing, but no, Paul did not let me feel embarrassed at all and only encouraged me more to ask whatever I wanted to.
Another amazing thing was how Paul took time out to speak with me before my first session. This helped me and my nerves a lot, especially getting to understand a bit more about how the session was going to unfold; allowing me to mentally prepare myself.
The First Session
Unfortunately, my brain likes to work in overtime and over worry about pretty much everything. So, despite the phone call with Paul, leading up to the day of my first session, I was very nervous and worried as to how the session was going to unfold. Which in hindsight, makes sense, because for obvious reasons the first session was very crucial in deciding whether I was going to continue working with Paul or not.
However, to my surprise the nervousness didn't last very long. As we got talking, it felt like I was never nervous.
I absolutely loved how the first session unfolded. Paul customised the session to my needs, which I have to say he is amazing at doing and is one of many reasons why I would recommend Paul to any and everyone.
All thanks to seeing how caring and amazing Paul was with listening to me and my needs, I was slowly able to open up and gain some confidence in asking for what I wanted and needed in the moment.
To me it felt like a life changing experience, just with the first session alone.
I felt so good during and after the session that it put a smile on my face, every time I saw the change in myself; the little but important increase in my body confidence and the confidence in myself that I will have the courage to ask for what I needed or wanted whenever in the moment.
A crucial factor that gave me the urge to return to see Paul again, was seeing and experiencing how Paul gave me the control and allowed me to lead the session in the way and at the pace that I felt comfortable and was going to be beneficial for me.
Ongoing Work and Emotional Healing
After my first session being as good as it was, I was really keen to build on my progress and growth that I went back to see Paul again, a month later. My second session only solidified my thoughts and with just 2 sessions Paul had helped me grow in many ways and I was beginning to get even more confident that with Paul I could definitely achieve my goals.
Although at this stage a lot of my confidence mostly came out during my sessions with Paul; however, Paul was also helping me and guiding me to implement the lessons I was learning into my daily life.
Bearing in mind that it was only session 2, I was really surprised and extremely happy that I had already made significant progress in terms of my healing journey. It was Paul's kind words amongst many other things that always felt (and continue to feel) soothing and I distinctly remember describing the feeling as 'a healing pad to the soul'. It is a feeling that cannot be justified with words, it is one that has to be felt.
Honestly speaking I felt there was positive changes following the first session itself, but most definitely as time went on and I got to work more with Paul, I saw major changes and transformations. He was able to bring a bold and brave side out of me, that even I did not know I had inside me.
Paul pulled some deep-rooted desires out of me, just by making me feel safe and comfortable and encouraging me along the way.
Learning to Ask for What I Need
As the sessions progressed and Paul got a better understanding of me, he could see that I found it very difficult and challenging to ask for what I needed and desired. But he didn't let this become a barrier for me, instead he supported me to overcome this. I slowly, but surely started breaking that down and was able to learn a lot about myself and my needs as Paul brought out a side that has only ever come out behind closed doors when I am alone.
Paul had also understood that it was very hard for me to say 'no', even when I wanted to. To help me with this, we practiced saying 'no'. The challenge was Paul would ask me something, and I had to say 'no'. It was difficult, but the more we practiced the easier it got. I still have this difficulty, but I find that I am more conscious about it and am trying to implement what I have practiced into my daily life.
Paul's support and guidance of overcoming challenges I had within myself, did not end here. Even as the positivity surrounded me, I did have further challenges that acted as barriers for me (and to some extent still do); like struggling to stay in the present, making eye contact, saying no and asking for something I felt embarrassed about. But I see a huge improvement with each session and each day as I try to utilise what I learn in my everyday life.
Most memorably, one huge improvement was in my fourth session, when a really beautiful and meaningful moment was created: Paul was aware of my difficulty with maintaining eye contact and always made sure to let me know that was okay. I am unable to explain what happened, but something clicked, and it was as if all the pieces came together. I felt a sudden urge of confidence and desire to look into Paul's eyes and maintain that contact.
It was such a pure and magical moment I could see that it wasn't just meaningful for me, but it also meant a lot to Paul, as it brought tears to his eyes.
Impact on Daily Life
Having had the pleasure of 5 meaningful sessions so far, I have made some observations about myself and the sessions in general, for example what I had initially set out to do, for the most part I have achieved that.
I feel somewhat more confident in my own skin and body, and I am slowly learning to love myself. My confidence in general has increased significantly and this has allowed me to stand up for myself and set clear boundaries for myself, especially when it involves limits that I have for other people and will not let anyone cross them.
In comparison to when I first started working with Paul, I feel miles better in myself, like seeing myself finally not feeling nervous going into my 5th session; as up to that point, I would still find myself feeling nervous ahead of each session.
Conclusion
Yes there is still more work to do and there always will be, but the improvement I have seen in myself. I feel I can say I am really proud of myself, for having the courage to take the steps I did to make the changes I was looking for.
It was not without Paul's support, because if it wasn't for his support and guidance, I don't think I could have achieved what I have. Listening to Paul and utilising what he taught me about self-love and self-worth, into my daily life has made a huge difference.
Lastly, but most definitely NOT leastly, I would like to say if you are considering working with Paul, please do give him a chance to help you; because I can confidently say it will change your life in a really positive way.
Thank You
Thank you Paul, I know I have thanked you countless times, but I still feel it is not enough. I am really looking forward to seeing how much more I can learn from you and see where I can go from here.
