This is an experience report that one of my clients kindly wrote about her experience working with me. I've added headings and made light edits for clarity and privacy. Everything else is her own words.
— Paul
Why I Sought Out This Work
I sought out working with Paul for a few reasons. I had had a couple of relationships in my teens/early twenties but never enjoyed the sexual aspect due to self-consciousness about how I looked and deep-rooted shame about seeking and experiencing pleasure. I often felt pain or discomfort during sex and was always emotionally drained after any sexual contact. Now in my thirties, I still have negative body image and have avoided relationships for quite some time due to the above issues being something I didn't want to face up to. I am also autistic and the prospect of forming a meaningful connection with someone who understands the nuances of this (and my limited sexual confidence) seems daunting. I hoped that working with Paul would give me some agency to explore nudity and touch in a safe environment. Of course it was a huge step to book and attend a session, but I felt it necessary to give it a go as I knew there was more to my sexuality than what I have experienced and felt in the past.
The Session
The session was a positive experience as Paul was very warm and considerate and aimed to tailor what occurred to my individual needs and preferences. I surprised myself by how quickly I wished to remove my clothing and felt quite neutral about how my body looked. I benefitted from pleasurable intimate touch but Paul always ensured this was directed by me and at my own pace.
Though I initially struggled to verbalise things that I wanted and liked, I mostly overcame this due to Paul's reassurance and increasing feelings of safety as we kept working together. I also struggled with a little shame and embarrassment at the end about the fact I had enjoyed being touched and my body reacting accordingly. This is something I will continue to work on and address, though Paul reminded me my desires are natural and that it was a positive that I had been able to progress beyond feeling only pain and discomfort upon receiving.
A New Perspective
The session also made me feel a little better about my body as Paul's touch was appreciative and nurturing. The experience was more focussed on what the body can feel and do rather than what it looks like, and this is something I will try to take forward in life generally. I was able to reflect on what I liked and disliked and this was empowering, especially in relation to my sense of womanhood and femininity. Before, I felt like sex was something "done to" me by men, but in the session I felt in control and able to influence the narrative.
Looking Forward
Working with Paul has made me feel more hopeful about pursuing future relationships and clearer on what I can expect from a sexual partner. I still have a number of things to work through before I feel fully comfortable in an intimate relationship, but I now know there is a world where my body can be seen positively and sex can be more than confusing and frustrating.
Paul was professional, kind and compassionate throughout our time together and he made what could have been a strange or daunting experience feel quite natural and easy. I would recommend that women experiencing similar issues to me look into his services and know that honing their sexual energy and preferences matters!
