Considering a Tantric or Yoni Massage? 11 Essential Questions to Ask Yourself

Receiving a Tantric Massage or Yoni Massage offers profound opportunities for self-discovery and healing. You can reconnect and deepen your experience of your body, sexuality, energy and spirit. However, this can be deeply intimate, and often people have subtle or not-so-subtle ways of avoiding that intensity of connection. And people rarely realise they are disconnecting in this way.

I’ve learnt how essential it is to be emotionally and energetically prepared for a tantric or yoni massage. When you are, you can fully embrace and benefit from these transformative experiences. I help women assess their readiness. And I provide a range of healing experiences that build the capacity to fully receive the benefits of the massage.

In this article, I’ve written questions to help you reflect. And with each question, I’ve suggested some approaches we could use to prepare you for this extraordinary journey of self-exploration. You can also contact me to work through the questions together, or do practical activities that reveal the answers.

How do you feel about your body?

Your relationship with your body is pivotal in any intimate practice. If you struggle with body image issues, self-judgment, or discomfort, it’s essential to address and heal these aspects.

In a session together, we create a safe and loving space for you to create a new relationship with your body. We might explore your beliefs or discover what you do like about your body. You could try self-touch or touch from me, as a way to cultivate self-acceptance and love. One of my spiritual practices is looking for and adoring what is beautiful, even when it’s deeply hidden. Sometimes simply being in the presence of someone who sees the depth of your hidden beauty can shift your own attitudes.

How connected are you to your sensuality?

Sensuality is the gateway to experiencing pleasure and connecting with your body. Some of my clients don’t allow themselves to feel any sensations in their body, let alone anything they might like. And even if you can feel enjoyable sensations in your body, can you fully savour and receive them? And can you be with difficult sensations?

If you feel disconnected from your sensuality, we can engage in gentle sensory-based practices during a session. These could start with simple exercises to notice your senses. We could gently incorporate exercises with the breath or touch that help you rediscover and embrace your sensuality. And if we encounter limiting beliefs or protection mechanisms, we can lovingly work with them to unlock your sensuality in a safe and integrated way.

Have you experienced sexual or emotional trauma?

Prior trauma can deeply affect your readiness for a tantric or yoni massage. If you haven’t fully resolved trauma, then your body will be anticipating threat and reacting to protect you, even when the situation is not dangerous. Your mind and body can be very creative in avoiding threat. You might want to get away from a situation, or you might feel angry. You might distract from the situation, or you go numb or somehow “go somewhere else”. You might go along with things you don’t want.

I have a trauma-informed practice and I’m trained in somatic trauma therapy. Together, we can create every session to maximise your feeling of safety. We’ll take slow, small steps, where you are always completely in control. Using a gentle approach and exquisitely held boundaries, we can let your body discover that experiences with a man can be safe and enjoyable.

How comfortable are you with vulnerability and emotional expression?

Intimate practices often evoke deep emotions and vulnerability. If you find it challenging to express and process your emotions, we can create a nurturing space where you can feel safe to explore and share your feelings. We’ll use active listening, somatic exploration, and emotional release to create harmony with your emotions.

What are your expectations and intention for a yoni massage?

Knowing your intention and expectations is crucial for aligning your experience with your desires. Before a massage, we’ll clarify your intention and design an experience that supports your specific needs. That might mean we do some other work first, or do an introductory form of the massage. For most people, a first massage that involves more checking-in can reveal any disconnection that would otherwise go unnoticed. Then, when you are fully open to a tantric massage, it’s something you can completely surrender to. And you can discover that you are surrendering to your own energy, spirit, and beauty.

How do you relate to your own pleasure and desires?

Honoring your desires and pleasure is an integral part of preparing for a tantric massage, as is honouring your anxieties, resistance or fears. Many of my clients are not sure of what they want, or are scared of asking. Some find it difficult to receive what they would like. Some find it difficult to say “no” to things they don’t want.

During our sessions, we can focus on activities that connect you to your body’s desires. Once you connect to your body’s wisdom, we can listen to it. For example, your body can tell us exactly the way you’d like to be held, or the exact way you’d like to be touched. Often these simple experiences of exactly the right hug, or a hand in just the right place on an arm is what the body needs to release deep emotions, or to realise that you are worth care and attention and it’s OK to receive what you need.

Are you able to set and communicate clear boundaries?

Establishing and maintaining boundaries is essential in any intimate setting. Are you always clear on what’s going to happen? Can you say “yes” to things you want or are willing to do? Can you say “no” to things you don’t want to happen? In my experience, almost everyone can improve their boundary skills and it makes a significant difference in their lives.

My work uses “The Wheel of Consent” as a foundation stone of everything we do. In sessions, you can learn the body signals that let you know your boundary is respected, when someone gets too close, and how it feels if someone pushes a boundary. And you can practice responding so you become empowered to control situations in your life.

How do you feel about receiving touch from another person?

Receiving touch requires safety, trust and openness. If you find it difficult to receive touch, perhaps generally, or perhaps intimately, then you won’t be able to relax and open to an experience like a tantric massage.

During our sessions, we build trust and establish a safe connection. We can use consent-based touch exercises that start with the smallest touch, for the shortest time, and where you are completely in control of the touch. Gradually, as your body feels more comfortable, you can expand the experience to more kinds of touch, more of your body and for longer times.

How do you feel about men and your relationship with them?

If you’ve experienced difficult relationships with men or carry unresolved resentments, it may be difficult to work with a man. Many of my clients have deliberately chosen to work with me, because they find it more of a challenge to work with a man. They have great courage and realise that facing that challenge can bring substantial rewards. If you choose to work with me, my role is to honour that courage and give you a loving, respectful, boundaried, adoring experience of being with a man. Through those experiences, you can learn to recognise positive male experiences. And then you can distinguish the possibilities of good or bad experiences with other men and in other relationships.

How open are you to exploring spirituality and energy?

Spirituality and energy play significant roles in a tantric massage. There is the potential to have indescribable experiences of expansion, connectedness, and communion with the divine, to name a few. A decade ago, I would have thought it was all “woo woo”, but my practical experience of following a personal development path that became a spiritual path has opened possibilities for me.

It is not necessary to have any spiritual beliefs to work with me. If I work with an atheist, for example, everything I do would seem rational and scientific. And equally, I have clients who have a deep faith, but have been shamed for their sexuality by their religion and their friends and family. If you have faith or spiritual beliefs that are important to you, we can bring that into our sessions. You can discover that sexuality can be both a gift of love from the divine and also a path to the divine. With some clients, I feel like God is in the room with them. 

Are you clear what a tantric or yoni massage is?

Tantric and yoni massage are intimate and can be intense experiences. So it’s essential to understand their nature and purpose when deciding whether you’re ready for one.

There is a lot of confusion. Many women may have heard about these practices through word-of-mouth or articles that don’t capture the true essence. And many practitioners use the words “tantric massage” but are talking about a sexual or sensual massage.

A tantric massage is about love, energy and eroticism and, potentially, a connection to the divine. It’s a deeply intimate, sensual experience that awakens erotic energy throughout your body. A tantric massage facilitates healing, expansion, and spiritual growth. It feels like your perfect lover is touching deep into your soul and you feel his deep yearning to see everything that is beautiful in you.

A yoni massage has the same intention and feeling as the tantric massage. And it involves touch on the most sacred and intimate part of a woman’s body, the yoni (vulva and vagina).

If you’re not ready for the emotional and spiritual intimacy of a tantric massage, we could start with sensual massage to explore energy and pleasure. Or with conscious touch with clothes on, to explore intimacy with less intensity.

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With these essential questions, you can evaluate your readiness for an intimate experience like a tantric or yoni massage. Our sessions together would provide a safe and loving space where we can explore and prepare you for this profound journey. Remember, your preparation is a process of self-discovery, healing, and personal growth. And they lead to you being able to embrace the beauty and power of a tantric massage experience.

If you have questions, would like to explore more or are ready to book a session, please contact me.

Continuing your exploration...

If you'd like to find out more, feel free to explore the articles on this site or read about the work I do both online and in-person in London.

And when you're ready, you can email or chat to me, or book a free friendly chat with me to explore what's possible and whether we'd be a good fit to work together.

There's no pressure to do anything or sign up for sessions, so if you think this work might help you, then please get in contact - I'd love to meet you.

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